Pen vs. Pencil BarRoom Debate: The Results. The DOM Army has spoken. Now we can finally settle once and for all which is mightier, the Pen or the Pencil. But first, an in-depth look at each side of this highly contested argument.

In the Pencil’s corner: Big Al

If I had a Big Mac for every time I walked by an office trash can with a cracked or dried out pen in it, I would have enough beef to feed the entire Women’s Flat Track Roller Derby Association… twice. Unlike my counterpart, I won’t stake my claim on why the pencil is the ultimate writing utensil based on my own personal bias. I’m going straight with facts, courtesy of Pencils.com:

1) A typical pencil can draw a line 35 miles long or write about 45,000 words. A Pen, 4,000 feet. What a joke.

2) Pencils, NOT pens, were standard issue for soldiers during the Civil War. As General for the Union Army, President Ulysses Grant preferred a pencil when he sketched out battle plans. I guess General Lee must have used pens. Whoops.

3) Thomas Edison’s bright idea was to keep a 3-inch-long pencil in his vest pocket just to jot down notes. Light bulb anyone?

4) Pencils don’t dry out, they don’t fade in sunlight, and they are washing machine friendly. Ever left a pen in your pocket on laundry day? This explains why Tater’s wardrobe looks like he spent a week in finger painting camp.

Closing argument: The Eraser. BOOM!

In the Pen’s corner: Jason “Mashed” Taters:

When you travel throughout time, men have used a particular writing device to initiate historical measures to change humanity. With this device, they changed the way people were governed, became purveyors of freedom, commanded the greatest magician tandem of all time, and founded a state called of the United States. Of course, I am talking about the pinnacle of writing utensils: the PEN. It’s not PENCILvania or PENCIL and Teller, but instead PENnslyvania and PENn and Teller. The designated champion of fishing reels is not a PENCIL, instead when you reel in a marlin you do it with a PENn reel. Whenever you get an autograph, you don’t ask them to sign in pencil. That’s because it can be erased like Big Al’s haphazardly atrocious argument above. Instead, the pen is distinguished. The signers of the Declaration of Independence did it in pen BECAUSE it cannot be erased. Do you remember when you were a little kid and you graduated to using a pen? (Must not have happened in Big Al’s school.) That’s because it’s the big boy writing device. I don’t drive a big a wheel and I don’t need to go to bed at 8pm. Instead, I am a MAN, I drive a car, and I write… with a pen. Besides, I will point one other thing out - The Declaration of Mandependence and Mandependence.com’s founding documents were both signed with a… you guessed it, PEN.

The Decision via DOM Army: Pencil

The votes via Twitter were an absolute deadlock so it came down to the poll in the actual article which put the Pencil ahead of the Pen. You have spoken. We listened. And the Pencil is the ultimate writing utensil.

Pump ‘em full of lead,

Big Al and Taters