We are on the eve of St. Patrick’s Day. It is a day that is the true testament to a beer drinker’s mettle. How do you survive such an all day extravaganza? Today we are going to give you a St. Patrick’s Day survival kit to make it through any all day drinking event.

First, a word of wisdom. When it comes to a day like St. Patrick’s Day, it is important to note how this day differs from your normal Saturday trip to the bar. This is going to be a marathon. You don’t see people sprint off the line in the Boston Marathon, do you? The same rule applies here. If you arrive at the bar at 1pm and pound down three consecutive Irish Car Bombs right away and chug two more beers you are going to be in for a pretty poor showing. Instead, pace yourself and make sure that you don’t become that guy hammered by 2pm and in bed by 3pm.

The Kit:

Red Bull: This is an absolute must. It is like a shot of adrenaline. The perfect time for this power boost in a can is right around the mid to early evening. Remember you may not be toasted but alcohol is a downer and thus after/if you eat dinner you are going to be tired. This will do the trick.

Backwoods Cigars: Nothing says a celebration like some cheap, easy to carry cigars. You will look like Clint Eastwood in the The Good, the Bad, and the Ugly when you light up one of these guys. The extra bonus with Backwoods is the fact that they do not take that long to smoke. In other words, this is not going to be a 30 minute ordeal when you are bar hopping like a normal cigar would.

Dropkick Murphy’s Mix: Nobody, and I mean NOBODY, says St. Patrick’s Day like Dropkick. Listen, if you need that motivational mantra on your way out to St. Patrick’s Day you can do no better than Dropkick.

Cab Number: A Yellow Cab card works great for this. Otherwise just save the number in your phone. Depending on the logistics of the bar area you are in it can be tough to get a ride. Nobody wants drunk people on the road, and when you are bombed your smart phone research skills are lackluster at best.

Subway Sandwich: There isn’t a preference as to which type, and for monetary purposes I would go with a $5 one, but these portable pieces of heaven are perfect because you get two meals out of a footlong version. Drinking on an empty tank is a great way to call it an early night. You can carry this bad boy with ya and dominate to keep the gas tank full with food so you can continue on your quest.

Your address and cash: All of us have been there – where you speak like Barry Badrinath because of the copious amounts of alcohol you have drank. Nothing angers the cabby population more than some incoherent fool trying to spit out his address. If you are that bad, it is saved on your phone. Just show him your address if you can’t say it. The cash will keep you from having to join Big Al and his continuous fight to get cab drivers to accept a credit card.

-H.M.M.

Henry the Moose of Manliness