Dear Henry,

They have been cutting my hours at work. I am still trying to maintain some sort of social life with the ladies but it is hard with limited funds.What are some cheap date ideas?

-Senton, Tallahassee, FL

Throughout history men have had to deal with economic turmoil. Where there is great challenge there is also great opportunity. It can be difficult when you can’t just spend your way to the promised land, but that does not mean it is impossible. First, you’re going to have to let that economic creativity shine past the fact that you are probably now eating Ramon Noodles out of necessity instead of preference (Shrimp Ramon is the best). Ideas:

Plan A- Flea Market: You accomplish the three important tenets of a good date. She is interested, you are the best viable option in the immediate market, and it costs nothing. First, women love shopping, and you never know what type of gems you could find at the flea market. Maybe you misjudged your female companion and she has always wanted a camouflage t-shirt with a minor hole in it, or she is looking for that Dale Jr. knock-off NASCAR hat. Either way, she gets to shop, therefore she is interested. Second, you are the most viable option there. The Lion Kingproved that you have to be the head of the pride to get the ladies. Instead of fighting it out with Joe D-bag that is talking about how great his parents’ BMW is that he drives, why not show off your haggling skills and thriftiness by getting that Buckmaster 3,000 cleaning knife at a cheaper price than Wal-Mart clearance. Lastly, this date will cost you just about nothing. Even if she purchases something it can’t cost more than $2.99 after a little well-timed negotiation.

Plan B- $1 Theater: $1 theater is the Hail Mary of the cheap date world. Reserve this one for the times that your chance of actually scoring a touchdown are limited because she is just on a better team. Now I am not saying Appalachian State can’t beat Alabama (Michigan anyone?), but I am pointing out that it is highly unlikely. So if you have a girl that might be playing in the SEC then your only shot is to play loose, cheap, and on your home field. Besides, if the reshowing of Blood in Blood Out doesn’t get her going, than you can always use the free refill option on the popcorn you got for $.50 on the way out and use it for dinner.

Economically ingenious,

-H.M.M.

Henry the Moose of Manliness