Manly Skill: Telling a Believable Lie

Let’s be honest (pun); every guy lies at some point. It is a must in every relationship to have the ability to bend the truth or to not be completely honest. I know what you’re about to say, “Well, in my relationship and all of my friendships, I am always honest.” That proves my point… you just said: A LIE. Lying is a power that gives you the ability to raise spirits of friends and family, to create a more interesting story, and most importantly, keep you out of trouble. But how do you tell a lie effectively? In today’s inaugural installment of Manly Skills, I am going to teach you the basics of how to tell a good lie. Trust me, I’m a moose.

Lie #1: Embellishment - This is one that you should be most familiar with. Hyperbole assists in making your stories more interesting and develops credibility (I know this is a Catch 22 because you’re lying to establish credibility, but I digress). Think about when you tell a story of your old sports playing days. You always exaggerate what happened. How can this be done effectively, you might ask? The key to this lie is taking the climax of the story and building it larger. For example, you could have been crushed by linebacker legend Ray Lewis when you both were in high school (truth). Sucks. Instead you turn “crushed” into you stiff-arming THE Ray Lewis on a 60 yard touchdown run. Why didn’t you go pro like Ray? Because you were injured in the next play. All you need is a bunch of adjectives and very distinct details you are now completely believable. Boom.

Lie #2 Alibi - This is the most important one to master. Creating a plausible scenario when needed is key to a successful lie implementation. Your girlfriend wants you to go watch professional figure skating with her on Saturday but you were planning on going out boozing with your buds instead. You have to insert a plausible charade as to why you cannot attend her oh-so-whimsical ice capade. On the spot this can be tough. That is why you should always focus on something outside of your control (that you can make happen in a pinch if she was ever suspicious). If you’re a novice at lying, I suggest going with work-related issues. “Ah I know, I am so sorry, Mark just called and Bob needs those TPS reports in two hours. I am still going to try to make it. I just need to get on it now.” Done. You left the door open just in case you have to call an audible, but you now planted the seed that there is a strong possibility that there is no way that you are going to be able to go.

Truthfully, mastering the ability to telling a believable lie is imperative to maintaining a strong relationship. And lying is not always for your exclusive benefit, but for the benefit of others as well. In fact, it can be argued that lying is a very responsible and compassionate act, helping to build and maintain strong bonds in all of humanity. For example, say you’re asked your opinion by someone about something they are very passionate about, but frankly, you just know they suck at. You also know you don’t have the stones to truth-slap them, so you lie. Be very careful here - their dreams will be crushed if you are not believable. Therefore, I suggest working on eye contact, eyebrow gesturing, and a good smile.

Try this on your lady the next time she is trying on some horrendous pair of jeans that makes her ass look like two rolled up flap jacks, but you know she really wants them. She asks, “How do I look?” You:

  1. Look her straight on, right in the eyes
  2. Raise eyebrows up, medium height, both sides level
  3. Force a nice small grin, no teeth
  4. Tell her she looks great in them

Done, son! Cold War avoided. She is feeling great and your status is still a ”go” for beers with the buds!

Liar liar,

H.M.M. 

Henry the Moose of Manliness

One Response to “Manly Skill: Telling a Believable Lie”

  • Tankmanly: December 8, 2011 at 12:07 am

    Thanks for the advice.

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