Manly Abilities: Win an Eating Competition

Like the original games of the Greek Olympics, competitive eating competitions are a true tests of one’s competitive prowess. With an awe-encompassing list of various foods and styles, eating challenges are a staple of every man’s life. For the newcomer to the glory that is crushing 56 hot wings in 2 minutes, the chance at winning one of these events seems like a daunting task.How do you compete and win a competitive eating challenge? That is what we are here to do - to set out a training regimen to help you raise to the coveted Yehaw Junction Annual Apple Pie eating title.

First, start with food that you know. It is pointless for you to try to out-eat someone in an oyster competition when you haven’t even downed an oyster. Instead, find the local delicacy that you are a fan of and search a local event that challenges you to eat more than anyone else.

Next, start practicing. You don’t need to try to break records in it right away. Instead, focus on getting a good pace. These competitions are like marathons. You must train rigorously and try to beat your pace from your prior practice. Once you have a strategy and pace down, it is time for you to take on some friends. This will liven your competitive spirit. The biggest misconception for most eating challenges is that you should eat very little leading up to it. That is a mortal mistake. By starving or limiting food intake, your stomach will tighten and thus leave less room for you to shove delicious food down your gullet. You should eat properly the day of and even try to get a little exercise in to help get the blood flowing.

Lastly, your stage persona is imperative. You may not be able to be Joey Chestnut or Crazy Legs Conti, but you can still come up with a minor league professional wrestling persona that will suffice. For inspiration, I suggest possibly watching “Over the Top” and go with a derivative of one of the arm wrestlers in the movie. Go out there and dominate and reap the rewards of the riches and women that is synonymous with competitive eating.

Stay Hungry My Friends,

-Taters

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