They are both iconic. They are both transcendent. They are both “the man”! This week we are going to decide once and for all, who is the most manly Indiana Jones or Han Solo?
One carries a whip and globe trots. His father could have been Sean Connery; a badass in his own right. The other flies around the universe, defeating Darth and shagging a princess. His best friend is a large Wookie (similar to Big Al). This will be one of most closely contested decisions made on DOM, but that is what we are here to do. We are here to give answers to these difficult decisions. The votes have been counted and it is Han Solo with the win.
1. Han Solo shags Princess Leia
2. Han Solo flies the Millennium Falcon
3. Han Solo is friends with a Wookie
4. Han Solo has been frozen in carbonate
5. Han Solo saves the universe.
Now, I know Indy does some pretty awesome things too. He fights Nazis. He speaks a ton of dead languages. He knows a lot about indigenous tribes. This debate boiled down to two game-changing factors.
Chewy and the Millennium Falcon. These two things cannot be defeated by a whip and hat. Yes, Connery helps but he was only in one film. Chewy is in three. The fact that Han outruns Jabba the Hutt. He saves luke from getting stomped down by the audible chocolate that is James Earl Jones as Darth. He HOOKS UP with a PRINCESS. I don’t look down on Indy becuase that is just too much for anyone of this planet to overcome.
Further, the last Indy movie has to be taken in to account. You must examine all of the work. You cannot talk about Rocky without talking about how bad Rocky V was, therefore you cannot talk about Indy without taking into account the proverbial nut kick you felt when you saw the last movie.
I would rather sit through a Jar Jar Binx stand up tour than watch the last Indy film again. With that it has been decided. Han Solo walks away from this BarRoom Debate.
Your Humble Correspondant,