Dear Henry,

I finally asked out the “hot” girl at the office, and I am freaking out. What do I do when she comes over. I really want this to go well. Please help.

So, you’ve finally mustered up the courage to invite the office hottie over for a romantic evening, and much to your surprise she agrees! Now what? In all the preparation for your profound pitch, you forgot that you might actually have to pull this off.  Well, we here at Mandependence have you covered. We’re going to break it all down, because we believe first dates should have a happy ending.

The first obstacle we need to tackle is the most daunting - the apartment. Let’s be honest. Most of our humble abodes are in a perpetual state of disaster, and more often then not they smell like the 9^th ward. If you plan on doing the no pants dance, this just isn’t going to fly. I’m not telling you to clean because as we all know, men simply don’t do that. My simple suggestion is to find a large closet and throw all the dirty clothes, beer bottles and pizza boxes that litter your dwelling in there. Now hit the couches with some Febreze and this home makeover is complete.

They say the way to a women’s heart is through her mouth. Well my friends, the same rules apply to her sangia. If you want to wrestle with this chick’s panty hamster, it’s going to take more then a box of pizza rolls.  What most guys don’t realize is just how much women actually love food. That’s because this animal-like instinct is often suppressed until after marriage.  But we’ll cover that topic at length in another article. Right now we need to focus on the food. Home cooked meals are a great way to score big points with any lady. The only rule I’m going to give you is to keep it light. That may sound ridiculous, but if she is bloated and gassy after a big meal, you can be sure her clothes won’t be in contact with your bedroom floor. And while a rich Italian pasta dinner may sound delicious and extremely romantic, that’s a sure way to send her off into a Schivo-like trance, better known as a carb coma.

At this point in the evening, the conversation will likely be on its last leg. By now, she’s probably unveiled that she isn’t interested in anything you think is cool like sports, cars or beer. And… you don’t want to hear another story about her cat, Miffy. So to keep things rolling, its time to dim the lights, crack open the finest box of wine that Wal-Mart sells, and thrown in a movie.

Have your movie picked out ahead of time - to ensure that she has no say in the matter. When selecting a film, avoid extremes like “The Expendables” or “Gone With the Wind”. Action movies don’t exactly set the mood, and you don’t ever want to compete with Clark Gable for attention.  Instead, go for a Seth Rogan movie. Not only are they are relatively short and mildly amusing, the ugly guy always gets the girl! This kind of positive reinforcement, coupled with a few glasses of wine, is exactly what you need to put it in her sausage wallet.

Good luck out there,

- Henry the Moose of Manliness