In approaching Veterans Day here in the U.S., we at Mandependence are proud of our above-and-beyond-the-call-of-duty men and women serving in uniform. And, while some will surely debate this, few have portrayed an over-the-top soldier better than Arnold Schwarzenegger – at least in recent history. He has portrayed everything from a terminating machine (bad guy and then good guy), an alien-killing mercenary, to a kindergarden cop hell bent on restoring order in his class room. In this week’s Manly Movie, we are going to review the movie Commando. The Austrian-born dispatcher of bad guys put together this instant classic in 1985. This is a MUST for every DVD collection. Your DVD collection is a reflection of the type of man you are – a statement. And nothing makes a statement like a shrine to the legendary soldiers portrayed by Schwarzenegger.

Plot: Colonel John Matrix (Schwarzenegger) is a retired special ops commando who is trying to live the quiet life with his daughter. A member of his old unit who was presumed dead assists in kidnapping Matrix’s daughter, Jenny (Alyssa Milano, yeah, really), to try to force him to carry out a mission handed down by warlord. Big mistake. Matrix contracts the help of the innocent Cindy (Rae Dawn Chong – real life daughter of Tommy Chong from Cheech and Chong) and embarks on a one man army journey to destroy anyone helping detain his daughter. Matrix ends up decimating an army of sacrificial lambs with extreme prejudice. He saves his daughter with the largest amount of death and carnage in film history. The end.

Summary: One of the best one-liners Arnold quotes ever is in this flick. Matrix destroys his former squad-mate-turned-bad-guy by knocking him through a cut pipe and says, “Let off some STEAM!” Just classic Schwarzenegger! The movie hinges on the shear weaponry that Schwarzenegger uses in the battle scenes. Desert Eagle, Valmet M78 Light Machine Gun, an Uzi, Remington Model 870 Combat Shotgun, and the most iconic M60E3 Belt Fed Machine Gun. The last of that group makes for the cinematic genius that is classically Arnold. He stands stoically in front of seemingly impossible odds and unloads an untold amount of ordinance into perfectly misfiring would-be attackers.

The body count alone from the M60 scene is more than most movie series will have in total, let alone one scene. What makes this movie is the fact that this is a TRUE 1980′s action flick, the type that I sorely miss. There is no thinking in this movie. There is no political point or underlying theme the director and writers are trying to convey. It is just good guys versus bad guys and the good guys beat them down in epic fashion. The next time you are forced to watch some Roman Polanski flap trap, look at yourself in the mirror and ask yourself what John Matrix would do. Go to your DVD player and pull out that horse manure and throw in your back yard and then unload about 60 shots into it.

Always Going Commando,

-Taters