Dear Henry, My GF Sucks at Dancing

Dear Henry,

I went to the club this weekend with my new girlfriend and my friends. My girlfriend is the worst dancer in the world, and I have gotten ripped on all week by my buds. How do I tell her gently her dancing sucks without getting kicked in the genitals?

So the new old lady is an Elaine from Seinfeld. That can be tough when you’re trying to keep time to a Jay-z song while she is contorting around the dance floor doing her best seizuring beaver impression. Women by nature always think they are good at dancing and generally that is because we as men never give negative feedback. In most relationships the negative feedback goes one way. Think about it, the first time she got in your car she probably complained about how dirty it was, she told you your house smells, and your “multiple-wear rule till laundry” system is disgusting. How do you respond? That horrible jacket she wears that was beaten down by a bedazzler – you say is your favorite. The grandma jeans she wears out don’t make her look like a zoo keeper, and those Ugg boots (that are supposed worn in 105 degree weather) with shorts – are not ugly.

You see, the shit train only runs in your direction. In this case, be up front. Acknowledge that you are not Michael Flatley (and honestly you would never want to hang out with that guy anyway), but when she cuts a rug you would rather set the rug on fire just to give some sort of distraction to her abomination of a booty shake. Tell her that everyone has faults and she was not blessed with the genetics to dance. Reiterate that this is no way an indignation on her “no pants dance” just her dancing with pants on. If you are of the less direct variety, then be prepared to sacrifice your Saturdays for dancing lessons with her. Otherwise suck it up and deal with the fact that you will be the brunt of just about every dancing joke for the rest of time.

Everyday I’m Shuffling,

-Henry the Moose of Manliness

H.M.M.


One Response to “Dear Henry, My GF Sucks at Dancing”

  • Tankmanly: November 16, 2011 at 11:22 pm

    Dump her unless she is good in bed then just don’t take her dancing.

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