Mustache vs. Poney tail. Texas roundhouse kick vs. Adam’s apple removal. The Total Gym vs. The No Gym. Yes, this is Chuck Norris vs. Steven Seagal. We are going to decide once and for all who would win in a no holds barred street fight. There are so many factors that play into this decision. Seagal is a long way off from his prime while Norris never left his. Norris plays a lawman in Walker Texas Ranger but Seagal actually is a lawman in A&E’s reality TV series. Both are masters of slow motion karate, but who would whoop whose ass in a real life street fight?

Scenario: Seagal is leaving an all-you-can-eat Chinese buffet and finds himself in a back ally where he sees Norris searching through a dumpster for Clarence Gilyard Jr.’s career. Norris, distracted by Seagal’s heavy breathing, recommends his Total Gym VHS training video to Seagal who in turn recommends that Norris shave that landing strip off his lip.

It goes down! You decide who wins this unprecedented matchup. Vote Now!

For a little motivation see this video:

And for more in-depth research, and to laugh your ass off, check out: chucknorris.com and stevenseagal.com.

Long live Casey Ryback,

-Big Al and Taters