Every time I watch one of these chick flicks, I tell myself that there is no way this could possibly get any worse. Well, I have hit the pinnacle of garbage mountain. I sat down to watch Twilight and this is what I got out of it. Pretty much there is some girl who has a best friend who is a werewolf and a guy she likes who is a vampire. Right now… this is complete bull and a perfect example of why chick flicks ruin the world.

The first question that should come to mind when you hear about a girl who is dating a dead guy and whose best friend morphs into a K-9 would be, “Where the hell are this girl’s parents?” Seriously, this teenage girl is getting neglected more than Stu and Dede Pickles (Rugrat reference). In what world would any self-respecting father not load up a stake crossbow and send that Son of Satan back to hell? Then follow that up with a quick slap of a rolled up newspaper to the dog and bring absolution to the situation. This is just bad parenting, and every girl just goes nuts over this garbage. Where are the natural maternal instincts? Ask yourself, ladies, if it was a guy who wanted hook up with a dead chick and he has a dog who wants to sleep with him… you would be grossed out, agree? One last point. This movie is terrible at just face value, but then they decide to ruin vampires which royally pisses me off. For those privileged men who have not watched this film, I will break it down for you. When the vampire walks into the sun, he does not burst into flames. You know what he does? He sparkles with a puff of gold glitter. I AM SERIOUS! Unbelievable. I almost took the TV and threw it out the window. We don’t take princesses and turn them into porn stars, so stop trying to take vampires and turn them into some glittering tarts.

John Carpenter’s vampires should destroy this movie,

-Taters