THE SACRED DOCUMENTS

Henry the Moose of Manliness, Founding Father
Created by God through a lightning bolt, Henry the Moose of Manliness was given to Earth on June 6th, 1944.

Big Al, Founding Father
Birthed in the frostbitten hills of northern Ohio, Big Al emerged from his mother’s womb and immediately spanked the doctor.

Taters, Founding Father
Born in the ferocious concrete jungle of New Jersey in a flannel diaper and with a receding hairline, Jason Mashed Taters was destined from birth for greatness.

Sanders, aka “The Colonel”, Founding Father
Little is known about Sanders’ birthplace or childhood. Some scholars believe that he is a descendent of noble Germanic bloodline and is the rightful heir to the Baron Von Badass. Read more »