Pitching in baseball is like defense in football – it just wins championships. After Big Al and I returned from a bachelor party of debauchery, we discussed one ongoing debate that came up during the party. Who are the Greatest Movie Baseball Pitchers of All Time? The criteria for measurement for this Top 5 is literally who would you want out on the mound for your local ball club? Personality type was also taken into consideration. Now, it is important to stress that this is only in movies, thus the legendary Kenny “Motha F!@#ing” Powers cannot be considered in the Top 5 because he is a TV character (Just don’t tell Danny McBride that).
5.) Steve Nebraska from The Scout (Brendan Fraser)- Find me a pitcher that can hit. Granted this guy ends up on the Yankees ergo his hitting shouldn’t be too much of a positive unless he is going to be a DH and a Pitcher. Regardless this former George of the Jungle comes out and throws 100mph.
4.) Henry Rowengartner from Rookie of the Year (Thomas Ian Nicholas)- Just by the youth this is a must. You have a 12 year old rookie coming out the pen throwing straight cheddar down the middle. With that amount of time this kid would be throwing 17 different pitches for strikes by the time he is 25. This movie made every kid want to break his arm so that he could play in MLB.
3.) Ebby Calvin “Nuke” LaLoosh from Bull Durham (Tim Robbins)- Height and trajectory are imperative when examining how a pitcher can contribute to your rotation. Nuke took some time to figure it out and you may need to find a veteran catcher. I think Crash can still play a bit, to come in and get his “head” on straight. Overall talent and potential makes him worth it.
2.) Billy Chapel from For Love of the Game (Kevin Costner)- He has thrown a perfect game. Period. Not other guy on this list could even whiff the rose-laced-fart of Billy Chapel. He has to come out of retirement but he can still fill that #2 pretty well even in the winter of his career.
1.) Rick “Wild Thing” Vaughn from Major League (Charlie Sheen)- Only Charlie Sheen’s real life is more dysfunctional than Ricky Vaughn’s. Listen, the guy throws straight heat and is a fan favorite. Sure you have some “off the field” stuff (fights, banging other players wives, etc.) But Ricky packs the house and when you need that last out… this guy gets it done… period.