Karate kicks and unorthodox wrist lock throws are what makes Chuck Norris and Steven Seagal the two largest pieces of the American Martial Arts apple pie. Their stories, characters, and personal personas are perpetuated through each seemingly fluid and increasing unrealistic fight scenes as they dispatch random bad guy after random bad guy. But who would win if these two were to square off in a street brawl? It is the modern physics conundrum of what happens when an unstoppable force meets an immovable object. We here at Mandependence never shy away from BarRoom Debates that can be daunting at best. With the votes from the DOM Army we are going to answer that question once and for all.

First, the Xs and Os of the fight are coming from the true American Kick Boxing extraordinaire (Norris) and the up close and personal nature of an Akkido master (Seagal). If they were to square off at a distance the nod would defiantly go to Walker Texas Ranger. His seemingly flawless strikes would dispatch anyone, human or otherwise, with extreme prejudice. But Seagal would flip throw just about anyone at close range. It’s the hand to hand combat equivalent to a rife vs a shotgun. What decides this debate is the finishing move. Chuck Norris’ legend is built on the spin kick. Ask yourself, has anyone ever survived a Chuck Norris spin kick? Nope, never they are incapacitated immediately. Seagal, conversely, generally has to go with the wrist lock throw multiple times. As a big man myself, I have fallen down a ton of times and get back up. Seagal could flip and I would continue to get back till… well till I got tired. But if I had to face a total gym technical round house? There is no surviving that.

Chuck: 58.33% of the votes

Steven: 41.67% of the votes

So, thanks to the DOM Army sounding off in yesterday’s article, it has finally been decided through the testament of good judgement that if Norris were to fight Seagal or Walker Texas Ranger against Casey Ryback, Walker Texas Ranger would walk off with that iconic audible chocolate of the Walker Texas Ranger theme song playing in the background.

To pay homage, check out our “PROFESSIONALLY” made video below:

Chuck Norris doesn’t have hair on his testicles, because hair doesn’t grow on steel,

-Taters, Big Al, and the DOM Army