Each May, and sometimes other months, the entertainment community and film fans around the world, across the nation, and up your alley turn their attention to the Mandependence Academy Awards, better known slurring drunk as the “Mancademy Awards”…
Interest and anticipation builds to a fevered pitch on a daily basis leading up to the annointment of the year’s first Boscar - Brilliant Original Senseless Comedic Amateur Reel. Hundreds of millions of Youtube video lovers tune in to watch the glamorous ceremony and learn who will receive the highest honors in Boscar filmmaking.
The Boscars can reward pretty much anybody with a video camera, of any form, for their cinema achievements as determined by some of the world’s least accomplished, amateur motion picture artists and professionals. The non-sexist, all male Mandependence DOM Nation’s roughly 600,000,000 members vote for the Boscars using double super secret flashcard ballots, which are tabulated by the international auditing firm of Big Al, Taters & The Colonel. The auditors maintain absolute, positive, non-secrecy until the moment the Mancademy show’s presenters open the envelopes and reveal the winners on live internet. Well, probably not actual envelopes and probably not live, but generally.
And the Boscar Goes To…
Awards are presented for less-than-spectacular individual or collective efforts in many, many, many random categories that change regularly as the Mancademy sees fit. Members select winners from as many as 5,012 nominees in each category, which are determined by members of the relevant Mancademy branch and their friends, families, and exactly 9 day laborers from selected Home Depot parking lots. (For instance, only people who still use Polaroid instant cameras, such as your weirdo neighbor living to the left of you, and insurance claims adjusters – possibly the same people – may nominate for the Lousiest Job in Film Editing award.) The only exceptions are the Best WTF! Picture category, for which nominees are selected by the entire 600,000,000 membership, and the All-Foreign-Language-Films-Suck-Why-Don’t-They-Have-The-Courtesy-To-Speak-American films. These are nominated by a committee of members drawn from all branches of the former Reagan-era government and French Foreign Legion, but again – and we emphasize here – only if they speak American.
In addition to the regular annual and other sporadic moments that awards are decreed by the membership, the Bored of Governors are empowered to bestow Geek-Mensa (sp?) Scientifical and Technical Awards, “It’s a Major Award” Awards, Rick James Super Freak Lifetime Achievement Awards, Certificates of Participation, Artistic Flatulence degrees, Monty Python Clippity-Clop Knighthoods, and finally, to bestow cool free shit to people but only if they speak American.
Learn more about all the awards while hanging out somewhere drinking a sixer, just not outside our building or you will be arrested by the Tampa Five-O.
Broadcast rights to the Boscar announcements, if any, provide an astonishingly insignificant amount of income for the organization’s rich and varied year-round activities.
The Mancademy Awards – recognizing the best of the least accomplished in film-making.