Article by guest writer Gil Rio, Dating Coach
You spot that cute girl at the bar. You want to talk to her but you’re not sure what to say. We’ve all been there. Fortunately, that’s a skill that can be perfected right here with Gil Rio’s 10 Steps to Successfully Approach Women.
We teach men all over the world how to approach, attract and date beautiful women. Our process is 100% results-oriented. Understanding female psychology and becoming a truly attractive man is not an overnight transformation, but these 10 steps should give you a good jumpstart and significantly improve your results.
1. Approach right away
Women are attracted to confidence. If you build your courage for 10 minutes before you walk over, chances are she’ll notice you staring and your chances will be shot before you even say hi. Plus, your energy is significantly better when you approach spontaneously, without hesitation. Build your eye-foot reflex. As soon as you see an attractive woman, start walking.
This can’t be overstated. Guys obsess over what to say, neglecting that non-verbal cues detected subconsciously are often more important than the words themselves. An open smile says you’re fun and friendly, not a threat.
3. It’s not the first thing you say – it’s the second
Despite all the hype, the opening line doesn’t matter that much. It’s more about the general energy you convey and how you continue the conversation. Saying “hi” and introducing yourself, or a genuine compliment, is usually better than a fancy line, but anything is better than not approaching. If you have trouble approaching spontaneously, memorize a conversation starter (we call them “openers”). We teach these to our workshop students to get past the initial anxiety of approaching. Two examples: “We’re throwing a costume party and can’t decide on the theme. What do you think? Jungle or 80s?” and “You guys seem fun. Are you friendly?”.
4. Avoid the interview mode
“Where are you from? What do you do? What are you drinking? Do you come here a lot?”… Every woman has heard that litany of questions. It’s not an interesting conversation for her. Instead of asking, try making statements about yourself and observations about her. Instead of “What do you do?”, try “You look like you could be a nurse…”. Instead of “What are you drinking?”, say “Is that a mojito? That’s my favorite drink! My best friend is from Cuba and we took this bartending class together and…”
5. Don’t ignore her friends
Beautiful women don’t go to bars alone. Her friends can help you or boycott you. It all depends on how you come across. Be friendly, socialize like you would amongst your circle of friends. Don’t act like a predator desperately trying to isolate her. You don’t need to suck up or be the most fascinating guy on Earth. If you don’t come off creepy or weird, they’ll often get out of the way and leave you two alone.
6. Have something ready to say
Awkwardness is attraction kryptonite. If you have a hard time keeping conversations going naturally, have a couple of topics thought out in advance. The story of your road trip or how you love skiing or hate reality TV. Ideally topics should be light, fun and emotionally meaningful (traveling good, politics bad), but anything is better than silence.
7. Don’t put too much value on any given interaction
For an attractive girl, a casual conversation in a bar has very little importance. Treat it the same way. Allow yourself to be silly or challenging without worrying that you’ll “mess it up”. Your value is not determined by the outcome of a fleeting conversation with a total stranger in a loud bar.
8. Make her work for your approval
Once you have her attention, probe deeper. What attractive characteristics does she possess? How is she different from all the other 20-somethings bouncing around in the bar? Compliment her on her true qualities. People value what they work for and screening a woman in this way will make you stand out from most guys she meets.
9. Lead the interaction
Don’t ask for permission. If you don’t like a topic, change the subject. Move her around the venue, leading her by the hand. Don’t beg for numbers and dates, propose things confidently. And don’t ask her where she wants to go. Decide and tell her. If she doesn’t like it, she’ll let you know.
10. Have fun!
Most guys act like they’re disarming a bomb when they talk to a gorgeous woman. Flirting is supposed to be fun, not a chore. Don’t go to places you don’t like or talk about things you don’t enjoy. Be self-entertaining. Fun is contagious and women are extremely sensitive to emotional cues. Show her a good time and she’ll be sure to hang around.
Gil Rio is a dating coach with Love Systems Inc.